Personal Velocity

n. 1. The average speed at which one lives their life. 2. The amount of time it takes for one to become motivated or inspired in life.

bzzzz. the gate buzzes and i hear the screen door clicking as it attempts to close. i squint, my body in a sweat, trying to process the slant of sunlight while calculating the hour. central standard time.

i shuffle down the tile hall floor. and i hold down the buzzer for a party goer on her way to church. i nod as she wishes me a happy birthday.

1, 2, skip a few. 25. i have always been one to heed the advice of my elders when it comes to living life. never been in a hurry for it to hurry up. yet i always feel like i'm waiting for something to happen. not that my life is without excitement, no it is exciting. like i expected more, got a bad deal, less that i bargained for, paid for the trendy dinner and am still hungry.

i'm taking a breather right now. i'm good at my job. i like my home. i'm making friends (though this is an arduous process). settling in. which is not to be confused with settling down.

there is still this stirring within me, to keep moving, don't slow down. but i can feel this reisistance in the past few years, to grow roots. so i am here, planting shallow roots and attempting to pull them up at any given moment.

my personal velocity. well, i haven't been dragging my feel on lots of the important stuff. however, the better i do at these things, the more i realize they're not important to me. job, car, house, kewl. but it's funny, i think my personal velocity is revving up the RPMs and i feel like i'm spinning my wheels, because i keep looking around me and seeing the same thing.

that doesn't mean there is nowhere to go. i think settling gives you the ability to confront what we can always run from, what is within. that is ofcourse, if you don't fill the urge to run, which is caused by settling, with a new adventure, before you listen to the wisdom of the adventure you're settling into. example; marriage. wooohooo, big adventure, high velocity. while you are settling into this, you decide to have a kiddo (another high velocity activity) to make these uncomfortable, and natural questions, go away.

so i am here. uncomfortable. high velocity, trying not to see it as my wheels spinning but as an advernture inward, and though i may not appear to be racing to the next stop, i still can see myself chugging along. the velocity all depends on the limits of the object in motion.

apple in flight

"The pull you have is stronger than gravity...", he starts and ends,
waiting
for some
consolation
in his trepidation,
i smirk, feeling what he's
insinuating
watching
his words trail behind my
simple gyrations,
heel
click,
shatter on contact -
my scent rides out the wind.

It won't materialize in
the anticipation when i come straight for you
i'm a succubus
or how i stretch under your skin -
classify me bubonic

it's how my wink leaves you on the
brink
of more
that you can't catch.