Wow! That was painful

I am re-reading my posts.
It has been about a year since the Lord turned my world upside down.
I went from a snotty, selfish, tough girl, to... well to a work whose purpose has yet to be realized outside of bringing Him glory.

As I look back and read, I see it all. My need. My sin. My searching. It hurts me to much now to see how defiant I was. How much I hurt. The past year has been a world wind. Much of which I don't have enough distance from to form a coherent story. All I can be sure of is that He has been there the entire time and He has made me into a new creation. I suppose that is all I need.

And as a new creation, I go forth into the world and ask Him; what can I do today for Your Kingdom?
My life is full in a way I have never known.

I thought about going back and deleting my old posts, because they are not representative of who I am any more, but they are real and they are real places where I have been. The hurt, the confusion, the ambivalence and the anger are all real. So it makes me think. Who I am without Him. Isaiah 1 says a festering wound. That was pretty accurate. Who am I now? Well, that remains to be seen... I am His.

This has become my new meditation the past year: [Philippians 3]
7But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. 8Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ 9and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— 10that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.